I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
