Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I skipped work to stalk him.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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