Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
