I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
