She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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