what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
