Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize