"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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