I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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