Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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