When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
