My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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