omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
