Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
