Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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