I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
