yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
