he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize