I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
