Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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