I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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