I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
