wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is wine microwaveable?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
