All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
