ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
