I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
