im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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