my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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