Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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