I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
