why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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