Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
