Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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