Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
