Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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