Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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