If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
