it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
