Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize