I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
