great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
