best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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