you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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