you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
