She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
