Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
