everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
