Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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