the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
