My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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