now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
