Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need to sanitize my soul.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
