I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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