i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
