the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize