I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
