I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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