My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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