Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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