She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
