She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
